Living the Vows: One Year On - Part 2
This post is continued from Living the Vows: One Year On - Part 1.
The FCJ vow formula says beautifully: "Loving and eternal God, I implore you to accept the offering of my life in union with the sacrifice of Jesus Christ..."
Of course, such a thing is easier said than done. In fact there is a joke in religious circles that goes: "When we make our vows we offer all of ourselves... and then we spend the rest of our lives taking it back!"
There is a story in scripture of a rich young man who came up to Jesus and asked how he could inherit eternal life (Mark 10: 17-22). Jesus said that he should keep the commandments. The young man replied that he had already done that since he was a child. Then:
Jesus looked at him and loved him. “One thing you lack,” he said. “Go, sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.”
At this the man’s face fell. He went away sad, because he had many possessions.
This last line had always made me feel sad too. Because of the young man’s attachment to his possessions, he was not open to receiving the vastly more valuable thing – God’s dream for his life – which he was yet unable to imagine.
This story is usually used in teaching to make the point that we have to be ready to give up everything to serve God. But as I read this story again a few days ago and reflected on my own desire to give all of myself - and the many ways in which I still hold back! - it occurred to me that this might not have been the end of the story for that rich young man. It doesn't say there that he never came back. Perhaps - just perhaps - he went away and grieved over the loss… and then came back.
And perhaps it is this way in our lives too. I hold onto things - material or immaterial, like reputation and security and unfulfilled desires - until I am ready to let them go. The letting go is not easy, and not achieved at once, and comes at the cost of grieving. But, as with the rich young man, it is God's look of love for me that enables me to let go. And when I let go, I find – amazingly – that I am free.
*****
Blessing in Disguise
So, letting go is the process of a lifetime, not a one-time affair. Surprisingly, one thing that has helped me grow in it this year is the one of the three vows that I struggle with most: obedience.
People who know me will know that doing what people say doesn't come naturally to me. In fact, when I told my mother that I was thinking of becoming a sister, the first thing she said was, "That would be completely unsuitable for you. You always want to have your own way!"
Of course, the way we understand obedience nowadays is not the kind of blind obedience that was expected before. Some people now prefer to call it the vow of “mutual collaboration”. It is really about listening deeply with the heart and responding to the call of God to us individually and as a community. This we do together.
As much as I might have disliked it at the time, I can look back now and see the instances this year when the prodding of my sisters urged me to stay the course when I was tempted to step out of a situation of discomfort, or called me to generosity when I was tempted to tend my own little garden instead of the Lord's vineyard. While living the vow of obedience means that I cannot just decide on a whim to do something I want, I can trust that the counsel of my community will help me to tell apart my own rash impulse from God's gentle leading. It is an oft-disguised blessing that calls for patience, trust and humility.
*****
The journey of living the vows is only just beginning for me. I remember writing last year that making vows isn’t an instant fix that makes you holy – and I know that now by experience! I was very encouraged though by a sharing by Afra during the welcoming prayer for Cecilia and Maria on the day before they made their vows. She highlighted to them the last portion of our vow formula, which says:
"As you who called me have granted me abundant grace to desire and make these vows, grant me the grace to fulfill them... "
It is God, after all, who first loved and called us to this life, who sees the beauty in our imperfection, and on whom we can depend to complete the work already begun in us.
Whatever God’s call is in your life, may you have the grace to answer it day by day with fidelity and joy. May you have courage and great confidence, knowing that God continues to hold you and draw you ever deeper into God’s beautiful dream for your life.
Audrey fcJ
Yangon, 9 December 2018
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| Maria, Audrey and Cecilia at the vows of Cecilia & Maria in Yangon, 2018. |
The FCJ vow formula says beautifully: "Loving and eternal God, I implore you to accept the offering of my life in union with the sacrifice of Jesus Christ..."
Of course, such a thing is easier said than done. In fact there is a joke in religious circles that goes: "When we make our vows we offer all of ourselves... and then we spend the rest of our lives taking it back!"
There is a story in scripture of a rich young man who came up to Jesus and asked how he could inherit eternal life (Mark 10: 17-22). Jesus said that he should keep the commandments. The young man replied that he had already done that since he was a child. Then:
Jesus looked at him and loved him. “One thing you lack,” he said. “Go, sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.”
At this the man’s face fell. He went away sad, because he had many possessions.
This last line had always made me feel sad too. Because of the young man’s attachment to his possessions, he was not open to receiving the vastly more valuable thing – God’s dream for his life – which he was yet unable to imagine.
This story is usually used in teaching to make the point that we have to be ready to give up everything to serve God. But as I read this story again a few days ago and reflected on my own desire to give all of myself - and the many ways in which I still hold back! - it occurred to me that this might not have been the end of the story for that rich young man. It doesn't say there that he never came back. Perhaps - just perhaps - he went away and grieved over the loss… and then came back.
And perhaps it is this way in our lives too. I hold onto things - material or immaterial, like reputation and security and unfulfilled desires - until I am ready to let them go. The letting go is not easy, and not achieved at once, and comes at the cost of grieving. But, as with the rich young man, it is God's look of love for me that enables me to let go. And when I let go, I find – amazingly – that I am free.
*****
Blessing in Disguise
So, letting go is the process of a lifetime, not a one-time affair. Surprisingly, one thing that has helped me grow in it this year is the one of the three vows that I struggle with most: obedience.
People who know me will know that doing what people say doesn't come naturally to me. In fact, when I told my mother that I was thinking of becoming a sister, the first thing she said was, "That would be completely unsuitable for you. You always want to have your own way!"
Of course, the way we understand obedience nowadays is not the kind of blind obedience that was expected before. Some people now prefer to call it the vow of “mutual collaboration”. It is really about listening deeply with the heart and responding to the call of God to us individually and as a community. This we do together.
As much as I might have disliked it at the time, I can look back now and see the instances this year when the prodding of my sisters urged me to stay the course when I was tempted to step out of a situation of discomfort, or called me to generosity when I was tempted to tend my own little garden instead of the Lord's vineyard. While living the vow of obedience means that I cannot just decide on a whim to do something I want, I can trust that the counsel of my community will help me to tell apart my own rash impulse from God's gentle leading. It is an oft-disguised blessing that calls for patience, trust and humility.
*****
The journey of living the vows is only just beginning for me. I remember writing last year that making vows isn’t an instant fix that makes you holy – and I know that now by experience! I was very encouraged though by a sharing by Afra during the welcoming prayer for Cecilia and Maria on the day before they made their vows. She highlighted to them the last portion of our vow formula, which says:
"As you who called me have granted me abundant grace to desire and make these vows, grant me the grace to fulfill them... "
It is God, after all, who first loved and called us to this life, who sees the beauty in our imperfection, and on whom we can depend to complete the work already begun in us.
Whatever God’s call is in your life, may you have the grace to answer it day by day with fidelity and joy. May you have courage and great confidence, knowing that God continues to hold you and draw you ever deeper into God’s beautiful dream for your life.
Audrey fcJ
Yangon, 9 December 2018
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